I'll be straight forward and frank. I have a chronic disease called depression. I've coped with it in many different ways throughout the years. Right now I find it therapeutic to type. Some may say it makes since to keep it private.. but I guess a small part of myself doesn't want to anymore.
So here is my hokey, and dorky poem....
"One Dark Day" by the Mom
Sleep. Sleep is good, peaceful and is never long enough
I have chains around my throat. They pull when there are wants and needs
Food, clothes, to be washed
Tug, pull, yank... choke, choke, choke
My middle aches, it's rolling... my heart pounds
I'm in a fog, my brain can't comprehend.. it's so loud
I'm in between what's real and false
I can't laugh, play, or love
If I do, I get a glimpse of a different mother.. no longer me
The voice murmurs.. "You are not appreciative..
You are not grateful of love, you're stepping on goodness
and innocence. How dare you!"
There is only one that can ease the hurt.. the confusion and pain
My head hurts.. I can't remember how to call Him.
How dare I.... for he is love and goodness
another pull... another choke
Sleep. Sleep is good.. peaceful and is never long enough
I have chains around my throat. They pull when there are wants and needs
Food, clothes, to be washed
Tug, pull, yank... choke, choke, choke
My middle aches, it's rolling... my heart pounds
I'm in a fog, my brain can't comprehend.. it's so loud
I'm in between what's real and false
I can't laugh, play, or love
If I do, I get a glimpse of a different mother.. no longer me
The voice murmurs.. "You are not appreciative..
You are not grateful of love, you're stepping on goodness
and innocence. How dare you!"
There is only one that can ease the hurt.. the confusion and pain
My head hurts.. I can't remember how to call Him.
How dare I.... for he is love and goodness
another pull... another choke
Sleep. Sleep is good.. peaceful and is never long enough
5 comments:
I love you Rose. You have your hands full, and those moments do come and go. But you are a good mom. And the Lord knew who to send to you. You are never alone. You know that, so I feel silly telling you. But know that I do really and truly do love you.
Rose, I feel the darkness too, a lot!!! I also write to get all the junk out and to cope with life. You are not alone, your just amazing!!!!! I'm busy tonight making 72 valentine's, but this weekend, I'll e-mail you one of my darkest writings. (That's what I call them). Oh, and even when you think you forgot how to call Him, he didn't forget how to answer you with comfort, even if the pleading is only in your head, and it is, I know. Love you Rose, Chris
I love that - "He didn't forget how to answer you". Good counsel from your friend there Rose...something for us all to remember when we are having hard times. Just remember things go in cycles. Right now is a down time, but it will get better again. I love you too, but you already knew that.
You made me cry, you big dork.
I feel that same tug every day. I appreciate your frankness and love you for it. I feel ungrateful, too. I have so much and yet I complain and feel sorry for myself. Bless you, little sister. Thank you
More of us struggle with depression than the world knows. Some of my struggles have to do with my monthly cycle (the hormones drop) and the lack of sunshine (sadd?).
It is good to hear that you are taking care of yourself.
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